My New Favorite Airline


  This question goes out to the American people. What causes all of you to transform into complete narcissistic asses when you step into an airplane?
I have witnessed this too many times in the past year for any current scientific hypotheses to hold up to scrutiny. It is amazing how ordinarily civilized members of society suddenly morph into crazed sociopaths with no spatial cognitive abilities whatsoever. What is it about getting on a plane that causes someone to think it is reasonable to feel that they have a God-given right to fill an entire overhead bin with their own personal crap and then become indignant when the 80 year old lady would like to put her one allotted bag up there?
Then no one is capable of sitting for a one hour flight without some form of entertainment. Tantrums ensue when their tray table fails to be adorned quickly enough with assorted drinks and snacks. All while fighting one another for their 10th bathroom break and retrieving more of their useless crap from the overhead that they couldn't possibly live without until the plane lands in 10 minutes.
I assume these people went to school at some point and had to sit through an entire class. Where did this skill set go? I considered at one point comparing it to toddlers in a daycare, but the metaphor failed to hold up. Even the most ADD toddler proves far more skilled at sitting still and following instructions than your average adult on an airplane.
And really it starts before getting on the plane. The second people reach the gate they begin conniving and struggling for position to be the first one on the plane. I have heard more vile insults hurled at the poor employees working the gate desks than take place when a group of women have lunch and one them go to the lady's room. I feel like my chances of being trampled to death are less likely attending a soccer match in Rio than standing near Gate 23 at ATL when group 1 gets called to board.
But in reality I don't think it is really a change in personality that accounts for this behavior. I believe it more an enhancement of undesirable traits we each possess. It is similar to people using alcohol as an excuse for their behavior when in reality it simply results in discovering more truth about who someone really is when the filters are removed.
All this to say: Fly Aeroflot Airlines out of Moscow. Beautiful, modelesque flight attendants rule the airline with an iron fist. Undesirable behavior is not tolerated and rules are vigorously enforced. An attempt to sneak too large or too many bags on board meet with confiscation and firing squad. Well, I didn't actually witness the firing squad so much as dreamed about it happening to some of the more obnoxious passengers I have dealt with myself.
So if you like your flights old school, with lots of meals, a fraction of the price, and intolerant flight attendants who won't take people's crap, fly Aeroflot - my new favorite airline.