Caribbean Cruises - Island Buffets
A friend of mine once asked me, "Tammy, (she's not really a very close friend) why are Caribbean cruises such a popular form of vacation travel?"
"I can't imagine," I told her. "I personally can't stand them. The ships are far smaller than they appear. The cabins are actually like large bunk houses where you are forced to share one shower with a bunch of people you don't know, most of whom smell like nachos. If nachos were seasoned with the liquid that forms mysteriously in the bottom of trash cans. Granted, the food is included in the price, but you can only eat what you catch. I spent three days sitting on my balcony with a fly rod and thought I would starve before we got to port."
The reason I told her all this is because I never really liked her anyway and wanted to lessen the odds of accidently bumping into her one day on a cruise ship.
The truth is, cruises are quite awesome. Not my favorite form of travel, but the only one in which I can walk around 24 hours a day with an ice cream cone in each hand while I am walking down to the Lido deck to get ice cream. Some people will use this as evidence to support their argument that cruises are hedonistic orgies of gluttony and sloth and you will instantly gain back the ten pounds you made yourself lose to go on the cruise. To those people I say, "Mind your own business." You vacation in your way and let me vacation in mind.
One great thing about cruises: There are two - three times more people on a single ship than there were are in my home town, but you have more privacy. Cruise ships are big. Obnoxiously big. With the crazy number of decks, ridiculous variety of restaurant options and activities, and hordes of vacationers who are actually lame enough to sit in their cabins watching television I can always find peace and quiet. In small town, USA there is no privacy. Even if you think you're alone Mrs Kravitz next door is peering through her blinds praying that you will perform some unsavory act of debauchery that she can discuss with her friends later while they pray for your salvation.
Another great advantage of taking a cruise: Cost. There are great deals to be
found on Caribbean cruises. While some people complain of all the unexpected
charges, this is primarily a consequence of them being stupid human beings. If,
for example, you aren't clever enough to entertain yourself on a beautiful
Caribbean island without assistance you might pay a bunch of money for an
excursion. Unnecessary.
Another cost people complain about is that tipping is automatically added to your bill at the end of your cruise. I am offended that they had to do this because obviously too many of you cheap ass people were not adequately thanking those who work so hard to make your vacation enjoyable. I have sent a letter to all the major cruise lines recommending that every time a guest complains about tipping that an extra 50 dollars be subsequently added to their bill.
Another benefit of the Caribbean cruise: Hurricanes. Well, not for everyone, but if you happen to be a storm chaser, avid fan of the Weather Channel, or a Bob Denver enthusiast. Get an opportunity to get up close and personal with storms like, Nadia and Petunia. Storms you really only got to see on TV or read about before. And who wouldn't love a chance to stick straight out in the air horizontally from a palm tree, a la Gilligan?
But the best thing about cruises: a cruise is an island tasting. Like a wine or cheese tasting event, a Caribbean cruise is an opportunity to sample the different flavors to see which ones you like best. Sample the wine, cheese, or island; pick the one you like best, then buy one and take it home. Well, maybe not the island, because if you took St Lucia back to Grand Rapids it may lose some of what made it so appealing to start with. You know, little things like the climate and water. So, I would leave the island right where I found it and come back there later for a longer stay. Nicer weather and cheaper than buying.
So get out there on the water you fun, imaginative, gluttonous Bob Denver enthusiasts. There is a perfect trip out there for you. And please be sure to bring me back some ice cream.