There are trips people make sometimes because they know they will never again have opportunity to do so. Perhaps you want to see a particular glacier before it melts away into nothingness. Maybe you desire to find yourself aboard the final ever Royal Mail cruise to St Helena. Less interesting people dreamed of attending the last ever baseball game at Yankee Stadium. I believe I accomplished a feat so much more meaningful than any of these, purely by accident.
Allow me to introduce myself: Kevin Osman, one of, if not the very, last people to ever fall out of bed on a train through Yugoslavia after being nudged awake by an AK47.
For those of you who know me personally, I am certain it comes as quite a shock to, only now, be discovering my important position in the annuls of history. Let me assure you this was not any offense against you. I simply am not one to brag unbidden about my accomplishments. My humility at times becomes my curse.
Yugoslavia existed for most of the 20th century as one of the poorest political decisions of any era on any planet's history ever; therefore, its odds of ever coalescing again are highly in doubt. Thus, waking up with the business end of an AK47 in my ribs and falling out of bed in 1990 should stand the test of time.
As I stated, when I went to sleep I had no intention of achieving such a monumental goal and no inkling of my future historic contribution to mankind. Even while it was taking place I failed to experience a sense of the significance. In fact, when I awakened with a gun in my side it never occured to me to wonder if this were a turning point in history or not. Actually, the thought that went through my mind was, "Holy crap! What the . . .?!" I think the first time I was jabbed with the weapon I tried to swat it away like a pesky fly.
Other famous lasts may sound more impressive, but I wouldn't trade for any of them. For example: Last person to die in WWII, which is sort of sad and ironic. Or last person to be eaten by those lions in The Ghost and the Darkness. Or last person to contract small pox before its eradication. Granted, I might trade with last guy to sleep with Jean Harlow, but that's about it.
So anyway, I simply wanted to let you all know the truth about me now. I would hate for you to learn about it when your children come home from school and read it in a text book.